Via Nick Scurfield from twitter:
Just got a handout with the first-quarter stats in the press box. Eagles outgained the Texans 159-29 in the first quarter. Ouch.

Maybe when Gibbs gets fired, we can hire Okoye as our DB coach. His backpeddle is flawless.

So far, the best tackler for the Texans is called "sideline".

12:51 left in the half.

Big gainer to Maclin - wide open for 34 yards.

Timeout Eagles.

I can't believe I did this but I arranged my travel schedule so I will miss that game. When this shit franchise began ten years ago if you'd told me I would deliberately skip out on a MNF game I would have told you you were crazy. Of course, if you had told me the incompetence that would be the hallmark of the franchise I would have told you you were crazy, too.

These stupid assholes can't find an open man when the Eagles blitz like nine guys. Then Matt Turk shits the bed, again. Then right out of a time out Macklin is so open that the only guy in view was Bentley who was about ten yards behind him.

Ball at the Texan 35.

Vick sacked by Pollard -1. 2nd and 11 coming up.

Pass to Maclin good for 12. 1st down.

Harrison TFL by Pollard -1.

Maclin drops one. Brings up 3rd and 11. Another timeout by the Eagles. 10:26 left in the half.

On 3rd and 11, Vick breaks tackles and still gets about 7. Eagles to go for the FG.

Akers 36 yarder is good.

Eagles 17, Texans 3

9:35 left in the half.

The Heat have opened up a big lead on the Cadavers but then that was to be expected. LeBron is baiting the fans during the timeout. This could get ugly in more ways than one.

Slaton downs the ball in the endzone. Texans ball at the 20.

Foster for maybe 1. 2nd and 9 coming up.

Foster for about 1. 3rd and 8 coming up.

Schaub hits Walter for 14 - flag on the play. Eagles offsides, declined.

LeBron needs to play basketball and STFU.

Quinn is absolutely horrible. Jackson literally ran right past him on that last play and was five yards behind him ten yards past the LOS. I don't know how you can field a player who is that bad.

Its a crying shame that we wont ever get to know AJohnson's true potential. He has been this great with horrible coordinators.

Shaub, Foster, and Johnson should be a three headed monster that no one wants to deal with. Instead we are an offense who can only score when the other team is winning by 21 points.

Foster for about 5. 2nd and 5 coming up.

Foster for 6. 1st down.

Deep pass to AJ goes all the way to the Eagle 10!

Foster dives for 4. 2nd and 6 coming up.

Schaub hits JJ in the endzone for the TD!

Eagles 17, Texans 10

5:38 left in the half.

I've always been amazed what AJ even when Carr was QB.

Finally some signs of life in offense.

Schaub has a lot of good qualities but arm strength sure ain't one of them. That's about the 6 or 8th time this year that a receiver has not only had to slow down but essentially stop and wait on the ball and turned what should have been a TD into just a decent completion.

If we can get a stop, we still might have a chance. We get the ball to start the second half. Big IF though.

C'mon defense!

Eagles bring the kickoff back to their 29.

Dump to McCoy goes for 9. 2nd and 1 coming up.

Hall gets 1. 1st down.

Dump to McCoy gets about 8. 2nd and 2 coming up.

Vick pass tipped by GQ inc. Makes it 3rd and 2.

McCoy gets cut down short of the 1st down. Eagles to punt.

JJ fair catches at the Texan 15. 3:04 left in the half.

Wow! A defensive sighting!

Flag pre-snap. False start D Brown. Makes it 1st and 15.

Schaub's pass to KW comes up short. Flag on Eagles for roughing the passer. +15. Puts the ball at the Texan 25.

Foster TFL -2. Makes it 2nd and 12.

Dump to Johnson goes for about 3. Brings up 3rd and 9.

2 minute warning.

On 3rd and 9, Schaub hits Dreessen for 11. 1st down.

Schaub is INT'ed by a lineman. Eagles ball at the Texan 18.

Vicks pass into the endzone goes inc. 2nd and 10 coming up.

Oh goodness, Bentley missed the sack and Vick scrambles for about 7. 3rd and 3 coming up.

That is just so f*cking stupid it makes me want to vomit.

Come on, Bentley, you pussy.

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There is Shaub's dumb ass pass this game....

Dump to Maclin gets 4 and the 1st down. 1st and goal at the Texan 7.

Pass in the endzone broken up by GQ. 2nd and goal coming up.

McCoy takes it to the 3. 3rd and goal.

Vick's pass is dropped by Celek. Eagles to go for the FG.

Akers 22 yarder is good.

Eagles 20, Texans 10

Admirable job by the defense here.

I guess it could be worse.

21 seconds left in the half.

Slaton brings the kickoff back to the Texan 25. Eagles offsides on the kickoff. +5 added to the return.

Pass to Dreessen goes to midfield. 8 seconds left.

Pass to Dreessen goes out of bounds, inc. Schaub down on the play.

Orlovsky comes in for one play - hands off to Foster for nice gainer, 29 yards, but time runs out on the play.

Halftime.

Eagles 20, Texans 10

The Texans have zero return game. It is incredible that that idiot Marciano is the only guy to have been employed by the Texans since the first season. Their special teams are short-bus special.

Schaub is hurt. Great. That is Kevin Gilbride level stupid. This franchise disgusts me. It really does.

Well, at least Vick is limping.

That hit he took from Smith on the outside thigh WILL take its toll. A nice Muay Thai technique.

Halftime stats:

Passing: Schaub 6/13, 117 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT

Rushing: Foster 11/56, AJ 2/10

Receiving: AJ 1/42, Dreessen 2/32, Leach 1/21, KW 1/14, JJ 1/8

Tackles: Allen 7, Cush 5, Pollard 4, Anderson/GQ 2 each

3rd down conversions: Texans 2/4, Eagles 5/8

Red zone: Texans 1/1, Eagles 2/4

Turnovers: Texans 1, Eagles 0

Time of possession: Texans 10:42, Eagles 19:18

Total Yards: Texans 183, Eagles 250

Slaton takes the 2nd half kickoff and brings it back to the Texan 21.

Foster TFL -2. 2nd and 12 coming up.

Dump to Foster goes for nice gain but flag on the play. Holding on Eagles, declined. 1st down Texans at their 32.

Foster dives for 3. 2nd and 7 coming up.

Dump to Dreessen goes to the Texan 48. 1st down.

Foster for 4. 2nd and 6 coming up.

Pass to AJ goes to the Eagles 29! 1st down.

Foster TFL -5. Makes it 2nd and 15.

Pass to KW good for 6 or 7. 3rd and 8 coming up.

Pass to Ward inc but flag on the play. Offsides Eagles +5. Replay 3rd and 3.

On 3rd and 3, pass to Casey goes to the 14. 1st down.

Foster for 1. 2nd and 9 coming up from the 13.

Dump over the middle to Foster goes for the TD!

Eagles 20, Texans 17

Turnover, please.

Eagles bring the kickoff back to their 25.

8:49 left in the 3rd.

We're giving the fans a show at least. That didn't look possible after the first quarter.

Vick scrambles for about 13. 1st down.

Dump to Celek goes for 8. 2nd and 2 coming up.

Pollard hits Vick as he throws, pass goes inc. 3rd and 2 coming up.

Vick's deep pass is INT'ed by Allen! Texans ball at their 14!

Your welcome :D

Thank you. ;)

Ugh, deep pass to AJ late arriving, inc. 2nd and 10 coming up.

Foster rips off 9. 3rd and 1 coming up.

Foster for 2. 1st down.

Foster for 3 or 4. Makes it 2nd and 6.

Schaub pressured, throws just over Dreessen, inc. 3rd and 6.

Pass to DA complete for 17! 1st down.

Arian Foster is a man.

Ball at the Texan 46.

Schaub sacked -7. Brings up 2nd and 17.

Foster for no gain. 3rd and 17 coming up.

Oh ho, Schaub's lousy pass is caught by AJ for the 1st down.

Ward sweeps left for 10. 1st down at the Eagle 17.

Ward for 3. 2nd and 7 coming up.

Pass to Foster good for 7 but flag on the play. Illegal contact Eagles 5 yards and auto 1st down. Ball at the Eagles 10.

Foster runs for 6. 2nd and goal from the 4.

Foster punches it in!

Texans 24, Eagles 20