October 5, 2008
EPIC Rosen-FAIL!!!11!!1
by Keith Weiland
Keith@IntheBullseye.com

It wasn't supposed to end like this.

Aw, who the hell am I kidding? You know, as a longtime fan of pro football in Houston, I've become something of a connoisseur of this sort of thing. Not just bad football, not just disappointing losses, but historically bad football and heart-stabbingly disappointing losses.

So Sage Rosenfels, welcome to the personal hell that is the tortured psyche of the Houston pro football fan. We're fresh out of chairs, but there is still some standing room in the back. And, well, thanks to you, we're now considering a whole new wing devoted to the suckage that you displayed on Sunday afternoon in a 31-27 loss to the Colts, what with your three unforgivable turnovers, all coming within a span of the final four minutes of a game.

But really, it wasn't supposed to end like this. In their home opener, about a month delayed due to the effects of Hurricane Ike, the Texans should have been able to capitalize on an unusually out of sorts Colts team and earn their first victory of the season, riding a wave of feel-good karma and put-upon league sympathy (is it just me, or is it funny how Commissioner Roger Goodell only shows up when he gets a photo op in front of an over-sized check?).

It was all going so smoothly, too. The Texans overcame a 10-0 first quarter deficit to respond with 27 unanswered points. It was a surge directed by Rosenfels, one in which he parlayed a 97-yard rushing performance by Steve Slaton and found Andre Johnson early and often, his star receiver gaining more than 100 yards and a score.

And it was a lead fortified by a legitimate defensive effort, too. Mario Williams collected a pair of sacks and was an all-around terror for most of the game. Heck, even beleaguered players like Jacques Reeves and Zac Diles turned in their best performances of the season.

Key Play

Rosenfels' second lost fumble ultimately did him in, but it was the entire final four minutes of the game that really sunk the Texans.

With a 27-10 lead midway through the fourth quarter, the Texans blinked, going a wee bit soft on defense. To their credit, they still forced the Colts into a fourth down situation, which they converted for seven points. No worries though, as David Anderson calmly recovered the onsides kick with four minutes to play.

On the ensuing drive, Rosenfels bootlegged to his left, leapt with a careless hold on the football and fumbled mid-air before watching the Colts' Gary Brackett return the miscue for an anus-puckering touchdown to cut the lead to 27-24.

Sadly, Rosenfels proved unable to shake off his mistake. With the ball again deep in his own territory, Rosenfels scrambled to his left, again with a careless grasp of the football. PUCKER, PUCKER, PUCKER. Colts DE Robert Mathis slapped the ball free, giving way to the visiting offense to score the go-ahead touchdown.

Down by four still with just under two minutes to play, Rosenfels had one more opportunity to seal his failure for generations to come. Attempting a comeback, he misread Johnson's route and threw a game-killing interception.

Game Balls

I had three game balls to give away today, but Rosenfels found a way to give them all away for me.

Key Stat

3

Yeah, Rosenfels' three turnovers are an easy pick here.

It ought to be noted though that the defense has become appallingly futile on fourth down conversions. After allowing 2/2 conversions last week, the Texans allowed the Colts to convert all three of their fourth down attempts on Sunday.

The third conversion, a seven-yard touchdown pass from Peyton Manning late in the fourth quarter, shrunk the team's lead to ten points and gave just the teensiest breath of life into the Colts, which Rosenfels then completed with a thorough CPR effort all his own.

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